The Big Gross-Out

I had decided to write this week’s post on Quinn’s beloved blanket, “Battie” (pronounced “Bah-ttie”).  While making a list of Battie’s qualities that make him so lovable (apparently he’s male), I kept coming back to the same adjectives: dirty, gray, crunchy, and gross.  Upon further investigation, I realized that many of the most well-loved child treasures are, well…

Gross.

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The “Lollipop” on Quinn’s Battie

Take, for example, the aforementioned Battie.  Once a soft, creme-colored nubby blanket with dark brown edging and a pocket that held a tiny cow, it is now a funky smelling, crunchy gray square that has been used for everything from nighttime snuggling to wiping one’s nose.  I know, gross, right?  Georgia actually had the original Battie: a 2005 model given to her as a baby from my friend Lisa.  Her Battie began its life as a fluffy pink blanket but over the years has morphed into the brown, 195 square inch germ-fest that it now is.  Since both Batties are downright nasty, one would think that they are interchangeable but NO, those kids can (literally) smell a fake a mile away.  The major distinction is that Quinn’s Battie hosts a tiny tag on the back that he hooks his thumb through while dragging around.  This tag is called “The Lollipop.”  I don’t even want to know why.

Another gross-out kid fave?  Nasty bed sheets.  I have no idea how, but when I was a kid my mom had us strip the beds once a week and we then got new, fresh sheets to sleep on.  I didn’t appreciate it then but LAWD what I wouldn’t give for that now.  Anyway, this working mom does the best she can but sometimes things fall through the cracks and recently, Ben’s bed sheets have been among them.  When I finally pulled up his shade last month and cracked a window (while gasping for fresh air), I noticed that the sheet was ripped.  And when I say “ripped” I mean TORN from the headboard right down to the foot of the bed, naked mattress staring back at me.  When asked how long it had been that way he gave me an “I dunno” shrug and asked to leave the sheets on there.  Apparently, he liked them.  Gross.

Not to be outdone by her brothers, Georgia is known for loving an item of clothing so much that she’ll try to wear it for as long as humanly possible without EVER taking it off.  Be it a pair of neon-and-blinking Justice short-shorts, her one-size too small denim cutoffs (also a Justice find) or the newest addition, a Taylor Swift concert tee shirt, she is a firm believer in the mantra “Go Big or Go Home.”  And when it comes to her wardrobe, that translates to “Wear-it-to-camp-then-to-bed-then-to-camp-again-then-to-bed-and-if-you-can-pull-it-off-to-camp-one-more-time.”  She amazes me with her Ninja-like moves as she tries to escape my clutches, sliding through the kitchen door and into Andy’s van as he backs out of the driveway.  She may be dirty, but she’s clever and quick.  Gross…but really fast.

This may all seem like normal kid behavior but for someone who can’t fall asleep unless the kitchen is cleaned and her feet are freshly washed, this kind of stuff baffles me.  I mean sure, my office may have magazines all over the floor and my desk is never organized but at least it’s clean in there.  Neat, no…but clean, yes.

Anything else is just gross.

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