Last weekend, I offered to go pick up Ben from Hoops practice and as Andy’s car was behind mine in the driveway, I took his instead. As I fired up the engine to that sweet, sweet Minivan, the radio came on blaring and the sound of angry men arguing with one another filled the air. I knew in a moment what had just happened…
I had entered the Sports Radio Zone.
I have to assume this is a textbook example of “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.” I mean, I know plenty of female sports fans but not one of them will spend hours listening to “Joe from Canton” or “Dave in the Car” wax philosophical about the Celtics’ third round draft pick or just exactly what was going through Belichick’s mind during the third quarter of the AFC Championship game. Caller after caller argues with the host, yelling at times, and at the end of the show, nothing is resolved. NOTHING.
I started to think what Women’s Sports Radio would sound like.
“Caller, you’re on the air. Who is this?”
“Hi Bob, this is Kathy in the Minivan. You know what I can’t stand? That no matter how many times I beg, plead, threaten and in the end, CLEAN, there are always stale Cheerios and French Fries stuck to the seat of my car. I mean, EVERYWHERE. They are wedged in the seatbelt buckles, they’re all over the floor, and whenever I get out, inevitably there is some kind of month-old food that’s adhered to the back of my pants.”
“Thanks, Kathy. We don’t care and totally disagree! Next caller.”
“Hey Bob, this is Jennifer from the Gap dressing room. What everyone needs to know is that I’ve lost 8 lbs…EIGHT POUNDS, BOB…and yet standing in here trying on a great pair of pants that I need for a client meeting tomorrow, I look as big as the side of a barn. Whoever is in charge of the fat mirrors in the Gap dressing rooms should be FIRED. And another thing, Bob…”
The funny thing is, I feel the same type of bewilderment with some of the drivel that seems to entertain the kids. At any given time there are about nine recorded episodes of the same Disney Channel and Nick shows clogging up our DVR, and Georgia will watch them over and over AND OVER AGAIN. What’s even more baffling is that my 6th grade son Ben likes to get YouTube and watch other people play Mine Craft. Yes, OTHER PEOPLE. I guess this is how these boys grow up to love…
This is Alex at the Kitchen Counter laptop, signing off.